GRANNY'S PRAYER

God grant me patience to deal with stupid people and courage to tolerate their ignorance because Lord knows if I ask for strength I will beat them all to death.

GRANNY ON THE HIGHWAY

SPEEDING SENIOR

When asked by a patrol officer "Do You know you were speeding"? I talked myself out of a ticket by stating, "Yes, young man, but I had to get there before I forgot where I was going".

Makes perfectly good sense to me......

WHERE'S MY DAMN CHECK, YA BUM?

I spent a lot of years getting up by the alarm clock, working all day (or night) for a paycheck so I could support whoever was hanging around. Once I wised up and unsaddled myself of the men in my life, there were times I was earning three different checks at a time. I'm older now and too damn smart to do any of that anymore; men, alarm clocks or jobs. 

The one lasting thing I earned in all those years was a barely livable once a month social security check. Keeps me off the streets (and my no-count smart mouth son swears lots of people celebrate that). 

Anyway, I'm gettin' by, mindin' my own business, paying my bills and splurging a little on medicine. Life is good!

Now them greedy bastards in Washington, who can't manage a trillion dollar budget nearly as good as I manage my piddling little check, need more money for one or the other of their infernal wars. They're hinting it might have to come from social security. 

I'll tell you what...they're gonna have another war on their hands first time they steal out of my check! They ain't seen mad till this old lady has to eat cat food 'cause they can't keep peace no better than they can manage money!  They'll think WAR!  Goldang thieving s.o.b.s.