NAW, I AIN'T DEAD YET!

Reckon everbody thought I was a gonner.  I heard the damn cheerin' way over here. Nope, I just been sittin' back watchin all the hullabaloo and thinkin' shouldn't be long afore the world eats itself.  Then who's gonna run things? ME and the first thing ahm gonna do is make a law against makin' laws.

I notice that gawd dam prohibition thing is still goin' on. Gawd almighty that shit is lastin forever. Ain't nobody got no sense no more? I been smoking reefer longer than any of them jackasses been alive and it ain't hurt me none.

Readin bout wars on top a wars. Anybody'd think this wasn't one world all of us commin' from that same couple usta live in that garden down in Eden. You don't look like me so guess I'll shoot ya.  Well damn y'all, nobody looks like nobody. Specially me!

'N' who the hell do them Warshinton people think they are anyways? Ma and Pa Kettle? Shit they been gettin' tighter on all of us than a bloodsuckin leech on a skinny dipper. 

Talk about foolishness... Why, I was up at the hospital the other day gonna visit my ole mama who stays up on the 4th floor these days, and there stood two big ole guards blockin' my way. They wanted to look in my pocketbook afore they'd let me in. Well, you know bout how well THAT went over. I layed inta them two idiots like Rastas on Liza. 

"GOL DANG", I yelled in my least polite voice... cause I was perty much riled already. Two hours of hitchin' rides with city idiots wears a woman out ya know... "I got privates in there ain't no snot-nosed man gonna look at. What the hell you think yore doin'? Dint yore mama teach you better? You touch my bag I'm gonna slap you up side that pointy head of yores like yore mama shoulda done years ago!"  

One of 'em, the goofy lookin' one with the big ears, says, "Ma'am, we're just doin' our job." I went a pitch higher... "YORE JOB? Ain't it in the constitution i got privacy in my personal things? Since when it is yore job to poke around in a lady's pocket book, you fool? You gonna wanna look up my dress next, you pervert? By gawd i ain't never heard such foolishness. I got rights and ain't no redneck country boys in fancy blue uniforms gonna look in my privates!" 

Reckon they dint know what to do then cause they pushed a button and a man in a white suit come out the door I was trying to go in.  Without a please nor thank you, he walked straight up to me and says, "Ma'am you're going to have to leave. You're upsetting the patients."  Sick folks my ass. If I know mama she weren't the littlest bit upset... She was sittin back there laughing like a drunk hyena. So I tell the man loud enough for mama to hear, "Ahm goin' but when I git back, you folks are gonna be sorrier than a blind owl with a bee up his ass!" 'N' that's all whut I come for anyways was to let mama know i was thinkin bout her.  Reckon she knew alright.

Well I better git offen this thing. I'm a busy lady ya know. Got chores waitin and half bottle of hootch to kill afore bedtime. Thank the lord that 'noble gawd dam experiment' finally failed.